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It's time to look in the mirror, guys
"Men need to be allies in the battle against sexual assault. Women have been working to end violence against women for decades in this country, but it hasn't stopped. We've made strong efforts to raise public and government awareness. We're constantly raising money for support services and to provide education in our communities. Despite all this, the reality is that women take extensive precautions every day to protect themselves from sexual assault, but ultimately, we can't prevent it. Most men are not offenders, but almost all sexual offenders are men. So, who has the REAL power to stop sexual assault?"
by Paul Richards
Sexual abuse and sexual assault have always been regarded as "women's issues" that women have worked hard to deal with. Their efforts have provided effective recovery services for survivors, and they're constantly pushing for more funding and government action. They're focused, determined and effective.
So, why should men get involved in ending sexual violence? Why should men care about ending it?
Because we men are the problem. We men commit the great majority of all sexual abuse and sexual assault. We men are the ones perpetrating nearly all of these crimes. Even when other men are the victims of sexual abuse or sexual assault -- and it happens a lot more than you think -- we men are most often the ones responsible.
Here are more good reasons why we men should care:
Because every guy knows a girl or woman who has been sexually assaulted. All guys have girls and women in our lives we care deeply about: daughters, sisters, mothers, wives, girlfriends, and friends. Sexual assault is a devastating experience, affecting 50 to 60 percent of women in Alberta. Sexual assault affects a victim's emotional, psychological and physical well-being. It may also affect women's ability to trust the men in their lives. This has a direct impact on our relationships with each other. If we men truly care about the women in our lives, then we also need to care about the threat of sexual abuse and sexual assault facing them every single day.
Because every guy wears a "potential abuser" label. It's a fact that more than three-quarters of sexual abuse and sexual assault survivors actually know the man who attacked her: a relative, friend, neighbour or co-worker. That makes it impossible for women to figure out who the "safe" guys are and who might be dangerous. Girls grow up learning to be defensive about all guys, and the result is a female population that always has its guard up about us.
Think about it this way: how does it feel to realize every woman you'll meet today -- on the bus, in the classroom, at the checkout counter -- will automatically, even unconsciously, evaluate you as a possible threat to her personal security? Every man is diminished by this, which means we all need to care about what causes the problem. And help to fix it.
Because guys are victims too. Believe it or not, we're not immune to sexual assault. We don't like to talk about it, but it's a fact. Studies show that a staggering 10 to 20% of males (boys, youths and adults) are sexually violated at some time in their lives. And on the rare occasions when a sexual assault against a male gets reported, the guy is often doubted, labelled "gay" or even blamed for what's happened to him. We don't hear about male sexual assault because the guys it happens to choose to suffer the effects alone and in silence.
Because guys have the power to stop sexual violence. Sexual abuse and sexual assault are weapons used for domination and control, not sexual gratification. Guys, we need to change our cultural attitudes and behaviours -- the ones that have given women good reason to view us with mistrust. Sexual abuse and sexual assault inflict terrible damage, not just on the survivors but all the people in their lives, and even beyond them to the rest of our society.
Every time a guy's voice joins those of women in speaking out about sexual violence, the world becomes safer for us all.
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Stopping sexual assault has generally been focused on getting girls and women to change the way they conduct their daily lives in order to reduce risk: not walking alone, watching how they dress, and even carrying pepper spray. But we know that these defensive tactics don't prevent sexual assault, they only let men off the hook by supporting the idea that girls and women can prevent it. Real, long-term change won't happen until guys stand up and challenge the attitudes and behaviours that put down and degrade women.
If we keep thinking about the sexual abuses and sexual assaults committed by men as a "women's issue," we're not going to do much about truly preventing that violence. The women you care about -- as well as your kids -- should live and grow up in a society where male violence against women is not acceptable. Not legally, not morally, not socially.
Guys, we can join women as allies in the struggle to end sexual assault, simply by changing the way we act. We need to become part of the solution. Other areas of this website have information about how to begin changing attitudes and behaviours, starting with your own. There are also links to AASAS members in your area of Alberta; they can always use a helping hand!